also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
