I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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