We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
