She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
cat food counts as protein by the way
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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