you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
