I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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