I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
