"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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