loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
