you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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