with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
