Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
