everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
