I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
