just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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