Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize