32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
