My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
