So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She bit a glass in half.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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