She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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