I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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