So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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