so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
