R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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