If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
