If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
