I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
