i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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