Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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