shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize