We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
