glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize