Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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