Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
