I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
