we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
