we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
