did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
