I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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