i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize