their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
