I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
