I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Duck Duck Cougar?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
