as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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