i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize