Kiss
Puke
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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