if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Alive.
So much puke
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
