I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
