just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
