oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We are all done wearing pants today
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
