oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
