2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
