It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
