just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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