i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
