I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Green mimosas i think yes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
