me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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