he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
