there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
