I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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