Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
