So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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