I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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