One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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