i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
