Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
