what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
