i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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